1 Timothy (Paul keeps writing things)

Paul starts the letter out saying, “This is written to Timothy, my true son in faith.” Paul really thought highly of himself as a leader. He started to think of himself as the father of the Christian religion.

He starts out telling Timothy to stay in Ephesus and keep on fucking with people who were saying things he didn’t agree with. He also mentions that the religion is not only intended for people who are doing good things with their lives but also to fuckos like slave traders, perverts, murderers, people who killed their parents is noted alongside murderers, and people who fuck people that they’re not married to.

He lets it be known that he speaks with authority because all kinds of stupid shit happens to him and he keeps surviving it. Also, he handed over two guys to Satan because they blasphemed. What a dick. He accepts slave traders and people who murder their parents but once you blaspheme he totally hands you over to Satan.

He tells Timothy to tell people how to worship properly and tells women to dress conservatively. He also tells women to stay in their place, because Paul was an asshole. He says that Deacons and Overseers need to be tested before they get any kind of authority in the church. They apparently have stopped doing this since then.

He tells people to eat whatever the hell they want to and then tells young people to be cool and not to let anyone judge them for being young. 

He tells everyone to treat each other well within the church, but there’s definitely limits. He says to make sure that a widow never cheated on her husband and is living her life well as are her kids, before the church does anything to help her. He says if any widow is under 60, not to let her around because she’ll be too busy trying to find dick to help with anything useful. Paul was an asshole.

He tells everyone to drink a little wine here and there. But not to go around sinning and pissing god off. He tells slaves to to respect their masters because Paul was an asshole. 

He also says that anyone who has an interest in wealth and financial security is a dick and shouldn’t be allowed into the church, because they’ll focus more on getting rich than they will helping the church grow. 

He ends by telling Timothy to keep up the good work.