It’s basically two pages of James talking. He says, “Hey don’t worry if shit keeps happening to you. All the bullshit you deal with is just god fucking with you to make you a stronger person. Also, god will fuck with you by trying to make you do shit that he doesn’t want you to. He’s a weird guy.”
“Also, don’t get pissed off super easily and keep your fucking mouth shut unless you’re absolutely sure that you should say what you’re about to say. Don’t just listen to our rules about how you should live your life, actually do it. What, do you wanna be like some moron who looks at himself in a mirror and then forgets what he looks like immediately afterwards?”
“If you consider yourself to be religious and you’re always talking like an idiot, both you and your religion are worthless. Our whole purpose as a religion is to take care of widows and orphans and to keep ourselves from getting all fucked up in this fucked up crazy world. Also, don’t show more love to people who show up with fancy clothes and whatnot than you would to a homeless guy. If you do shit like that, you might as well be a murderer.” Side note: This is, I think, the least followed verse in the whole goddamn Bible except maybe the majority of the Moses laws.
Anyways, James keeps on rambling on, “If you believe that Jesus is god’s kid and you really wanna do good things, but don’t, then you’re a fucking idiot. I don’t care what anyone else says, faith alone is total bullshit. If you saw a guy starving and said, ‘Hey, I hope you get food soon.’ Would you actually walk away from the situation thinking you helped? If you would, then fuck you.”
“What? Are you gonna try and say that since you believe in one all powerful god, that’s all you need? Fuck you. Demons believe that shit, too. So fuck you, get out there and make the world a better place or go fuck right off. Without good deeds, your faith is bullshit.”
“Also, I really can’t stress this enough. The words that come out of your mouth fucking matter. Notice how the first thing we do when we tame an animal is take charge of its mouth? Yeah, there’s a fucking reason for that shit. Take charge of your own mouth and stop talking shit. Even one shitty little conversation about someone behind their back can ruin their fucking life. Fuck you. Shut the fuck up unless you absolutely need to speak.”
“I’ve been hearing a lot of people refer to themselves as wise. These people piss me off. They’re selfish, envious, greedy, and just shitty people all around. If you spend your life only searching out selfish desires, then I hate you. If you were actually wise, you’d know that working to make the world a better place is actually what will make you happy.”
“All of your stupid arguments and fights and shit are stupid. Submit to god. Follow god and don’t get sucked into all the shittiness of the world. And stop worrying about the people around you. Worry about your goddamn selves. You’re no fucking saint. I guarantee that shit.”
“Also, don’t brag about all the cool shit you’re about to do. For all you know, you’ll get run over by whatever our equivalent of a bus is tonight. Also, it pisses god off if you know that you’re supposed to do good things in someone else’s life and you don’t. Just an fyi.”
“Oh shit, and the last people I need to fuck with. The rich fucking oppressors. (this is an almost direct quote) You rich fucking assholes, weep and wail because of the misery that’s coming up in your future. Your wealth has rotted and moths have eaten your clothing. Your silver and gold have corroded somehow. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fucking fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look, motherfucker! The wages you failed to pay the workmen who labored for you are crying out against you. You are a dick. And god is going to fuck your shit right up.”
“And people who are suffering! Be patient. Jesus will come back and save you soon!” Side note: He didn’t.
James ends the book with advice on everyone to pray and spread the word around.
No comments:
Post a Comment