Ephesians is yet another letter written by the ex-orgy having, hate filled, drunken Christian killer turned religious expert in a day, Paul. It’s Paul’s letter to the Ephesians.
All of these books start out with the same greetings and a super shortened version of Paul’s theory on Christians being chosen by god to serve and all that jazz. He tells the Ephesian church that he was so happy that they exist that he’s been non-stop thanking god for that and praying that they keep their shit together and stay happy.
He goes over the same thing as before that once you decide that Jesus is god, you die and he takes over and that everyone is equal as long as they’re a Christian. He makes a slight passive aggressive comment about how he’s currently incarcerated because of his work trying to teach the gospels to the Gentiles.
Then he goes back to saying how everyone’s equal in the eyes of god. As long as they’re all Christians. He warns them all not to give in to their lust of nature and all things fun, but to keep up the good purity work. He says, “Yo, if you’re angry, calm down before you go to bed. Don’t give the devil a chance to convince you to do stupid shit. If you’ve been stealing shit, knock that shit off. Also, don’t say stupid shit. Only nice shit should come out of your mouth.”
“Also, don’t do all the fun sex stuff that doesn’t involve a married man and a married woman only. I have no idea why this is so important to me, but don’t do anything fun or kinky. Don’t get drunk on wine, instead get drunk on your own self-righteousness.”
“Women submit to your husbands, no matter what they say or do. Husbands, love your wives.”
Side note: Women submit to your husbands no matter what they do is not a piece of advice that should be given to anyone in any time in history. The whole idea of that is the exact nature of ownership, not partnership. Fuck you Paul. Also, Husbands, love your wives? What the fuck kind of rule is that? If it needs to be said, it’s probably not a healthy relationship.
Then he goes on to say that children should obey their parents, which I would agree with unless the parents are shitty shitty people. Then he says, “Slaves, obey your earthly masters.” Fuck you Paul. He does also tell slavemasters to treat their slaves well. But, as we all know, the only way to treat a slave well is to SET THEM FUCKING FREE.
He then describes the basic principles of the Christian faith as if they were Roman era armor.
He says wear the Belt of Truth, Breastplate of Righteousness, the Shield of Faith, the Helmet of Salvation, and the Sword of the Spirit,
Whatever, I’m still mad about the slaves and wives thing. Fuck you Paul.
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