Ecclesiastes (Nothing Matters)

Ecclesiastes is basically a bunch of teachings from one of David’s sons. I skipped Psalms and Proverbs, but Ecclesiastes I’ll include. Because Footloose did. And if it’s good enough for Footloose. It’s good enough for me.

So, this book starts out right to the fucking point with, “Meaningless, meaningless!’ says the teacher, ‘Everything is meaningless!’” It then goes on to say that no matter what you do the earth will keep on turning, that nothing we create will last forever, and that there is nothing that exists now that hasn’t already existed. Except, in our case, phones, internet, combustion engines, weapons of mass destruction, air conditioning, and birth control. But I get what he was trying to say. 

Among the “everything” that is listed as meaningless: Wisdom, pleasures, folly, wisdom again, and toil. He’s basically saying that nothing matters unless it pleases god. So as we’ve learned, nothing matters unless it’s following a bunch of random rules, the numbers 7 and 40, and of course slaughtering and setting fire to helpless animals. 

Then he goes into the times to do things. He doesn’t say when the times are to do these things. Just that there are specific times in life to do each of the following:

be born, die, plant, uproot, kill, heal, tear down, build, scatter stones, gather stones, embrace, refrain, search, quit searching, keep, throw away, tear, mend, shut the fuck up, speak, love, hate, war, and peace. 

Then he reminds us that nothing we do matters. This is kind of a depressing book. Riches are meaningless and so is advancement. God is more badass than you. Obey your king, we all die, wisdom is better than folly. 

Then it says. Give your bread to seven. Yes! to Eight. Also, youth and vigor are meaningless.

And in the end. He just says that the only solution is to obey all of god’s crazy rules. Cuz otherwise your life is meaningless and god will totally fuck you up for all the shit you did. Even stuff no one  knows about.

So there you go. Ecclesiastes. I’m skipping Song of Solomon (or Song of Songs depending on your translation.)