Bible Abridged

Bible Abridged

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Habakkuk (Why Do Bad Things Happen?)

Habakkuk asked god, “Why the fuck do you allow violence and injustice? Why don’t you do more to prevent conflict between humans. Why do you let the world be so fucked up?”

Good question Habakkuk. Let’s read on. 

God’s response was, “Don’t even worry. I’m going to do some shit that you won’t even believe. I’m going to send the Babylonian army to fuck everything up. They’re going to kill all the bad people. All the good ones will totally survive.”

Habakkuk was like, “Okay, so I’ll be okay? So when these guys come kill everyone, that’s your solution to our problem? I guess that’s not really an answer to my fucking question, though. Why the hell do you allow people to be so fucking evil?”

God says, “I allow people to do fucked up shit. But eventually they’ll pay. They’ll all pay! So fuck you all of you, evil doers.” Then he lists a bunch of different types of people that he’s totally gonna fuck with. Then he says, “Also, why are you even asking me why I do anything. Fuck you. I’m god. I created life and everything. So don’t question me.”

Habakkuk cedes, just saying, “Yeah. You’re pretty amazing. I’m gonna keep worshipping you and all that shit. And I’ll just hang out and wait for the day that you fuck everyone up.”


You might notice that god did not even answer the question, “Why do you let horrible things happen?”

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